Life, Uncertainty & Cynicism
18.05.2019 For years I have been trying to answer a central question. Which is worse: extreme emotionality or a void? For years I have been searching for an answer, but so far I have not found it. Currently, however, I am tending more and more towards the latter. Pain is palpable. It is something real. [...]
17.05.2019 I did exactly... nothing for my book. At least I cleaned my room and bathroom. Yay. Awesome. Oh, yeah, playing hours of No Man's Sky. Apparently there was enough for that. Maya's pushing me really hard to get into therapy. Feels kind of semi-great. I think I'm slowly developing an idea of how Annabelle [...]
16.05.2019 I wonder if my not-so-sober brain is any more rational than I am. Under the influence of alcohol, it seems pretty clear to me what has to be done. But on days like today, with enough sleep, good nutrition and sport, things look quite different. Then my head imagines that I'm actually doing quite [...]
15.05.2019 I feel completely lost. The days are like clouds passing by on a clear, gloomy autumn evening. No matter how much I plan to do something productive, these lines are the only ones that come anywhere near this aspiration. I am already back at the daily grind of self-destruction. The referral for the clinic [...]
14.05.2019 Sleep was quite mediocre. No exercise, barely ate, drank alcohol. My body was probably somewhat ungrateful today for the way I treated it. However, the meeting with Tom was quite interesting for me. He now lives in Japan, is married and researches AI security. Cool shit. Meanwhile, I'm trying to get my life together [...]
Egotheist 