Every time I start writing these lines, I have no idea where my own thoughts will lead me. It’s a bit like going on a journey of unknown directions, but with the certainty that you will somehow reach your destination safely. It seems to me that there are far worse ways to spend one’ s own morning. I don’t really know if it was by this exercise that I was able to get over it or if it was time anyway, but yesterday was actually the first time I’ve debated in what I felt like an eternity. That I even gave the third best speech after this long time is somehow nice to know. It was certainly not overwhelming, I myself considered it not really stunning, but that may be mainly due to the fact that I know that I am capable of much better speeches and would like to get back to that level. So the logical consequence is that I will go back to debating regularly. Without practice, no mastery, quite logical. Action is the antidote to despair. I know I’m repeating myself, but there really seems to be a lot of truth in this statement. I deviated somewhat from my daily, rather apathetic routine and immediately felt better. Granted, yesterday was a pretty good day anyway, as there were no lows against which I would have had to fight, which further strengthened my ability to act at all. Nevertheless, it is somehow good to know that I still seem to be able to create small changes. The next step will be to work regularly on my book again. I have been writing for several days now about how hard it is for me to finally start again, but the more I think about it and put this problem into words myself, the more I realize that there is actually no real problem preventing me from doing so. I am physically as well as cognitively able to accomplish this task satisfactorily, it is a feeling of indifference alone that prevents me from doing so. But if I give in to this feeling every time and feel bad because I have not managed anything again and have wasted a whole day again, then of course nothing will change in the status quo. I know that I am good at what I do. I know that my work can help other people to cope better with their own difficulties. But for that I have to continue this work and above all finish this project. I have to deal with the obvious weaknesses of the raw version and correct them. This is often not pleasant, but it is necessary to get the best possible product in the end, from which people can draw joy and added value instead of being annoyed by it. I think the worst thing would be if at some point I read reviews that say that my basic approach is very good, but I have made it unnecessarily lengthy and hard to read with too much redundancy and emphasis on my inner struggles. I want to avoid that at all costs. So I have to work towards making my words more precise and clear, even if that often means completely rewriting or deleting some sections. Sometimes less is actually more and I should make sure that I don’t just write for the sake of writing (because that’s this exercise for) and filling the pages, but that I actually have something relevant to say. Getting this tightrope walk done is not necessarily easy, but it is essential. I don’t want my readers to put the book aside at any point because I’m rambling on or referring to something I’ve already explained in this or that form. Sometimes you have to give more space to an idea to understand where its real strengths are and I think it’s time that I take on that task. I know I have the skills, now I just have to use them. I am sure that when I actually have the final version of the manuscript in front of me at some point, there will be a feeling of great satisfaction flowing through me. That all the inner struggles were worth fighting out and I have created a work from which many people can benefit. This point will come, but it is up to me to let it turn into reality.

You are a decent human being. Behave accordingly.

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