16.05.2019
I wonder if my not-so-sober brain is any more rational than I am. Under the influence of alcohol, it seems pretty clear to me what has to be done. But on days like today, with enough sleep, good nutrition and sport, things look quite different. Then my head imagines that I’m actually doing quite well, I don’t feel any serious symptoms and it’s quite enjoyable to be alive. In a way a somewhat paradoxical world. Well, one could mention as a legitimate point that I’ m writing these lines at 6:30 a.m. (which at least does justice to the title) and thus my sleep rhythm is once again quite chaotic, but who cares about details? I was thinking about going out with people sometime this weekend. I asked Alicia if we wanted to see each other. No answer yet. The usual. Sometimes it can be a strain on your patience when your friends are as antisocial as you are. I suppose that’s what you call the irony of history, or something like that. I have a plan for the time after getting up. Drink coffee and tea and then work on my book. I think this time in the morning (or whatever it is after I’ve woken up) makes the most sense, because I’m not yet stuck in any routine, but rested and ready to go to work with the powers of the night. I know that I am planning to do it at this point, but as soon as it comes to implementation, all kinds of motivational obstacles will once again get in my way. Fortunately, I still have the Cold Turkey Blocker, which I have probably subconsciously not used for several weeks for very clear reasons. All the more so, the current situation seems to me to be an excellent opportunity to break precisely this cycle of unproductivity. After all, I have managed to establish a routine like this one here, just as I do exercise very regularly. Integrating new habits is definitely not witchcraft, and I am confident that with the right form of nudging I can achieve similar success when it comes to working on what is probably the most important project of my life so far. I have already invested so much time in it and have a very concrete plan of how the final product should look like. And if I have to force myself to write at least one page every day, then so be it. In the end it will be more than this one page anyway, but the most important thing is that I manage to take this first step and finally start again. Habits are the building blocks of our life. Every day a little bit more, this is how I can succeed in completing this project. This will require the support of external mechanisms at the beginning, but once the foundation blocks have been laid, the rest will follow automatically. I am confident that a higher level of measurable productivity will make me feel more satisfied and balanced, as I will have been able to pursue the goals that have been with me for so long. As I recently learned and later wrote, we humans have an evolutionary need for goal fulfillment and the setting of these goals. One cannot not plan, I once wrote and these words still apply. As soon as I succeed in overcoming my inner blockades and continue this project, other problems will also become marginalized. Another advantage of the continuous work is that I can expand my intellectual horizon every day. This is something I have always been very keen on anyway, because nothing seems worse (or more tragic) to me than waking up one day with a narrow-minded world view and vehemently resisting changing one’s own views or even one’s actions one iota. Occasionally, however, this very change is the necessary spark that sets off a chain reaction of positive events. Is there a guarantee for this? Certainly not, but the attempt alone should be worth the effort to at least do the best we can to increase the probability. Now these words sound again like the typical motivational babble, but since I find it quite difficult to keep my eyes open anyway, it shouldn’t be surprising if my eloquence suffers a little bit. The tiredness takes its toll and I am inclined to pay it. Tomorrow will be a productive day. I’m sure it will be.
Egotheist 