Cocoon

Cocoon

I know. I am not writing as much as I should. And I feel guilty about it. Satisfied?Weird thing is, there is constantly so much shit going on inside my mind that I would have a lot to write about. But instead I dwell in different things. Work, video games, movies, exercise, eat, sleep, repeat. [...]

Erebus

Erebus

Dealing with emotions is something I would like to avoid given the chance. Even the slightest feeling of real or more often imaginary rejection causes intense emotional pain. There is no antidote. It just happens. Sometimes I manage to control the duration but the severity usual remains the same. Every thought about the many whys [...]

Three Shots

Three Shots

I relish the pain. I embrace it. Be it by the blade of a knife or the physical exhaustion during another workout session. It numbs everything else. For a short, blissful while. No emotional despair. For a few minutes, at least. My heart aches. Literally. The emotional pain I feel translates into physical one. They [...]

Crackpot Monkey

Crackpot Monkey

  Status report. New Year. First words. Like freshly fallen snow. Soaked in blood. Dramatic climax. Ruined life, ruined love,  ruined family. Everything turns to shit and I'm just standing there, apathetic. Letting it happen. I'm blogging again regularly. Mostly old stuff. I'm frustrated because the blog I’m writing with other authors has morphed into [...]

Christmas

Christmas

I don't write enough. I know. I don't know if that's a good or a bad sign. Maybe a little bit of both. But an awful lot has happened in the last few weeks. The most significant was probably my time in Frankfurt with the intention of starting a new job as head bartender. Two [...]