Three Shots

Three Shots

I relish the pain. I embrace it. Be it by the blade of a knife or the physical exhaustion during another workout session. It numbs everything else. For a short, blissful while. No emotional despair. For a few minutes, at least. My heart aches. Literally. The emotional pain I feel translates into physical one. They [...]

Crackpot Monkey

Crackpot Monkey

  Status report. New Year. First words. Like freshly fallen snow. Soaked in blood. Dramatic climax. Ruined life, ruined love,  ruined family. Everything turns to shit and I'm just standing there, apathetic. Letting it happen. I'm blogging again regularly. Mostly old stuff. I'm frustrated because the blog I’m writing with other authors has morphed into [...]

Preventing Pain

Preventing Pain

Hell of a day. Or evening. I seriously wondered if I'd be writing something at this time of day, after all it's almost six in the morning and I'm actually pretty tired. But somehow it just doesn't feel right to go to sleep without having at least partially reflected on the day and especially the [...]

State Of Emergency

State Of Emergency

18.05.2019 For years I have been trying to answer a central question. Which is worse: extreme emotionality or a void? For years I have been searching for an answer, but so far I have not found it. Currently, however, I am tending more and more towards the latter. Pain is palpable. It is something real. [...]

Infinity of Nothing

Infinity of Nothing

09.05.2019 Once again today was unproductive as fuck. Basically I spent the whole day just playing Dota and watching series. Well, at least there was enough motivation for exercise in between, but apart from that it looked rather mediocre. This whole clinic story is probably not a bad idea. Now it just has to happen [...]