Life, Uncertainty & Cynicism
I’m not the person the voices in my head keep telling me about.I don’t want to be that person.Not anymore.I’ve been that person.I’ve hurt people. I’ve abused people. I’ve destroyed lives.All I can do is fall down on my knees and beg for forgiveness.And every single time I think about it, I feel like a [...]
I know. I am not writing as much as I should. And I feel guilty about it. Satisfied?Weird thing is, there is constantly so much shit going on inside my mind that I would have a lot to write about. But instead I dwell in different things. Work, video games, movies, exercise, eat, sleep, repeat. [...]
Reflections. On life, decisions, peace, everything. Sleep deprivation is like a venomous spike deep inside your flesh. It spills it’s poison through your veins, clouding every thought, every judgment, every decision you make. It intensifies negative emotions by a hundredfold. No wonder, everything turns to shit, whenever my body decides that it’s time to ignore [...]
Dealing with emotions is something I would like to avoid given the chance. Even the slightest feeling of real or more often imaginary rejection causes intense emotional pain. There is no antidote. It just happens. Sometimes I manage to control the duration but the severity usual remains the same. Every thought about the many whys [...]
I relish the pain. I embrace it. Be it by the blade of a knife or the physical exhaustion during another workout session. It numbs everything else. For a short, blissful while. No emotional despair. For a few minutes, at least. My heart aches. Literally. The emotional pain I feel translates into physical one. They [...]
Egotheist 